Impromptu drives into New York City with the love of my life and two of the coolest dudes ever? I THINK YES.
All of the above seem to go hand-in-hand. Which is exactly why I jumped back into better decisions today.
Just got an email from my business law professor that I got a 98 on my final and therefore an A in the class. I’m feeling so accomplished and proud. It is times like this when you feel fortunate for the bad times, for without them, days like today wouldn’t feel nearly as great.
I blew it this weekend. I smoked cigarettes and I feel awful about it. I was over a month and a half without them and I ruined everything. I feel like I’m even further back now. No progress was made. I’m craving one. I hate myself today. I’m so upset with my awful decision, and even more so for allowing myself to be manipulated. So sad.
Going to monster mania con this weekend with my best friendssss. I wish it were Friday so we could leave now!!!
Monday was an awful day. I lashed out on friends, I had a terrible attitude at work, I felt super sick, and took an economics test that I could hardly concentrate on (and probably didn’t allow anyone else to concentrate on) since I couldn’t stop coughing and gasping for air.. So I took the day off from work yesterday to go to the doctor to find out that I have bronchitis. Womp womp. Still went to school last night because I had an accounting test, which I almost had an anxiety attack during. It’s just not my week. Today, however, I’m feeling much more Kiki-ish. Lets hope I can shake this sickness ASAP and get back into my routine.
Woke up at 8 (sleeping in “late” since I have off from work and school today!). Finally got out of bed around 9. Made myself some bacon and waffles for breakfast, cleaned the kitchen a bit, cleaned the rat cage, and then vacuumed my room. I have my business law midterm tomorrow, so I’d imagine my entire day will be consumed by studying.. with a few breaks to get some yoga in, meditate, make a grocery list, go food shopping, and then meal prep for the week.
Hopefully this all gets done today!
P.S. Friday/Saturday was my 1 month anniversary of being cigarette free ^_^ So proud!
Danny texted me this morning to let me know that he was going to send me flowers for valentines day but then decided against it because they were so expensive. And I thought I was okay with it, but truthfully I’m not. I even partially feel like he didn’t even give it any thought until maybe one of his friends brought up what they’re doing for their girlfriend.
I know how he feels about valentines day. We have been together for almost four years, but it doesn’t get any less disappointing. As if I’m not worth whatever flowers cost. So I’ll sit at work all day tomorrow signing for everyone else’s stuff, knowing nothing is coming for me. I suppose knowing is better than being let down tomorrow, but I’m not sure. I still feel so sad in my heart and sick in my stomach.
Even worse, is now I feel bad for making him feel bad. Even though he probably doesn’t even feel bad. I just don’t understand how he can justify going to the bar 4+ nights a week with his friends, and buying cigarettes and junk and think that to buy his girlfriend flowers on valentines day is the waste of his money. Sadness.